He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
