Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
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