So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he was CRYING into my vagina
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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