These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
