I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
