I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
two words: eviction party
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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