So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
and she was petting her beer can
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
