Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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