Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
