3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
