its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
