She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
