How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
