Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
