brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
