So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
