P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
