I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
