I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
