i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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