Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
