this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize