Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
