I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
