break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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