it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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