i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
being pregnant is like rehab
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
