i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
