That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
