He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
