OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
