Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
