dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
