I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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