Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
