i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
