I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
