from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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