God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
