Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
