Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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