so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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