Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Buhtt sex?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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