I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
