so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
