Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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