your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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