It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
