well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
