Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
