I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
