"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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