I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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