so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Please, let me fuck your mom
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
